说说四川话
有朋欲入川，问我四川话有什么特点，他好了解了解。
四川话其实很容易听懂，它是北方语系的一个分支，除了一些俚语和特殊词汇，和普通话相比也就是语调上有不同，其他词汇、语法之类和普通话是一致的，稍加注意就能听明白。在地域上，四川话，是西南官话中主要的一种，象湖北话也是一种西南官话，不过湖北话在语调上就差别更大一些。
小学初中到高中，语文考试的第一道题多半都是考文字的读音的，那么多年摸索下来，我已经有了诀窍，那就是，普通话的三声四川话一般读四声，普通话的四声四川话一般读三声，普通话的一声二声在四川话里差别不大，一般不怎么区分。另外，四川话只有舌尖前音，没有舌尖后音。所以大部分四川人分不清s和sh，z和zh的读音，另外也不怎么区分n与l的读音。说起这个，靠，老婆已经不知嘲笑了我多少回这个了。郁闷！
一个很流行的说法，相信你们大家都知道：北京人看外地人都是下级，上海人看外地人都是土包子，四川人看外地人都是瓜娃子。哈哈，四川话里瓜娃子，瓜的，瓜挫挫的，用北京话来讲，大约就是傻逼的意思。但是四川人没有北京人那么嚣张那么明显的骂人，四川话的骂人显得更温情。一个北京人对你说傻逼，基本上，你会跟他翻脸，但是一个四川人慢悠悠的骂你瓜娃子的时候，你大概不会产生跟他翻脸的念头，甚至你会觉得哭笑不得。
四川话里有一种天然的幽默，有些还很滑稽，不知道这和四川人的风俗习惯有没有关系。试想一下，在王府井大街上，或者大学校园里，一个男的对女的说：“小姐，你长得漂亮惨佬，老子跟了你半天佬。我们找个地方摆一哈嘛！”听到这个你会笑吗？那么我翻译成普通话来，你再听听：“小姐，你长得真漂亮，我跟在你后边走了半天了。能请你喝咖啡吗？”你还会笑吗？换个说法以后，感觉完全不一样了。
这种诙谐和趣味，在四川话里太多了，所以我感觉这个和四川人的习惯个性有关。要说调侃，要说玩世不恭，北京人拍马都追不上四川人，为什么？四川话里天生就是，根本都不需要你下多大功夫。列位看官要不信，泡网那么多四川人，你让沙子老师，你让厨子老师，你让猛小蛇老师，你让他们用四川话跟你讨论严肃的哲学话题，讨论严肃的文学话题试试，我敢打赌，三分钟之后，你就会笑得肚子疼！
谈恋爱，这是普通话的说法，四川人叫耍朋友，现在地球人都叫作泡MM了，哈哈。只有四川人才领会到了谈恋爱的真谛，恋爱是耍出来的，怎么耍，你们自己都有经验，你们想想，是不是这么回事儿。广东人香港人的“泡码子”“抠女”北京人的“戏果儿”那就太没有文化了！
各位，你们还不信，你去找个四川男人对一个女孩子说一声“我爱你”，你听听就知道了。我不大相信一个四川男人在追求女孩子的时候会用四川话说我爱你，最多就是我喜欢你，哈哈，回头我问沙子老师看看是不是。说起这个，想起来，当初刚开始恋爱的时候，老婆非得要我用四川话说一声“我爱你”，我就是“我，我，我”了半天叫不出来，感觉太别扭了。四川话说这三个字的时候，典型的四川调侃玩世不恭，用这种方式表达爱情，老婆不K死我算我命大，哈哈。想象一下，各位女士，当一个四川男人做情深款款痛心疾首状用四川话跟你说“我爱你”，这玩笑开得也太过分了。
除了这些，四川话还有一个很大的特色，就是它的俚语。我也好久没怎么说过四川话了，这里就将能够想起的简单列一下：
大爷：是对男性老人的尊称，问路的时候要记得。
婆婆：对女性老人的尊称
老巴子：对男性老人不礼貌的称呼
老姆姆：是对女性老人不礼貌的称呼
老子：在别人面前称老子是占对方便宜，这是很多四川人的口头禅，四川人真强悍阿我考，开口就让对方成了儿子小辈。
虾子：奚落对方是胆小鬼，典型用法是“你虾子……”，类似于北京话的“你这傻逼……”
讨口：要饭，讨口子就是乞丐、叫花子的意思
瓜娃子：就是说某人傻，这是名词；类似的还有“瓜兮兮的”，这是形容词，“你这人瓜兮兮的的”就是你好傻的意思。还有你这人瓜眉瓜眼的，瘟猪，哈儿，憨包等说法。丰富吧，用四川话骂人，三天不用重复，就说人家傻，都这么多说法。
摆龙门阵：是指漫无边际的闲谈，就是北京话里的侃大山
冲壳子：是指吹牛皮，说大话，现在流行叫装逼，道可道专用，哈哈
算坛子：是指开玩笑
打滥仗：大多指不务正业或无法按常规办事
打锤：是指打架
扯筋（皮）：吵架或者闹纠纷
杀割：结束了或没有了，用完了
弄归一：指把事做彻底了，做好了
弄巴实：做好，作的非常漂亮
没来头：没有关系，没事儿，英文叫做you are welcome，哈哈
说一个形容词，吃饭的时候经常用到，评价人的时候也需要经常说的，听明白了
悬吊吊的：不稳当，不妥，这事儿有点悬的意思
红扯扯的：红得难看
粑希希的：很烂
淡瓦瓦的：平淡无味，没盐味
瓜不兮兮的：傻里傻气
温都都的：温热合适
香喷喷的：很香
甜咪咪的：很甜
哦，忘了一个经常在小说里面见到的，龟儿子，这就是骂人比较厉害的一种说法了。如果是不熟悉的人之间，骂人龟儿子多半要翻脸。当然，如果是熟人之间，也就可能是开玩笑的成分多些。
乱说了一通，请各位四川籍人士批评指正。
20条留言 立即发表评论
爱筋儿哦.
日他妈卖僻
整球垮了
垮干了
革捏
缩下切球
有每夜和我抢棉被的伴侣, 因为那表示他/她不是和别人在一起.
有只会看电视而不洗碗的青少年, 因为那表示他/她乖乖在家而不是留连在外
我缴的税, 因为那表示我有工作.
衣服越来越紧, 那表示我吃的很好.
有阴影陪伴我的劳动, 那表示我在明亮的阳光下.
有待修整的草地, 待清理的窗户, 和待修理的排水沟, 那表示我有个家.
有各样对政府不满的抱怨, 因为那表示我们有言论自由.
能找到最远的那个停车位, 因为那表示我还能走路, 且还有幸能有辆车.
有巨额的电费帐单, 因为那表示我冷气吹的很爽.
教堂礼拜时我身后五音不全的女士, 因为那表示我还听的到.
有一堆衣服要洗烫, 因为那表示我有衣服穿.
一天结束时的疲劳和肌肉酸痛, 因为那表示我有拼命工作的能力.
一大早响起的闹钟, 因为那表示我还活着.
每天有过量的电子邮件, 因为那表示有许多朋友会想到我.
补充一个：宝器。嘿嘿
好安逸哦
日你仙人板板，温伤！胎神娃娃乱皮柴卖折耳根的！
日你仙人板板，温伤！胎神娃娃乱皮柴卖折耳根的！
蝗蛳蝗蛳蚂蚂，请你出来吃嘎嘎，大的不来细的来，吹吹打打一路来。
我要学四川话请四川爷们指教!
我喜欢四川,四川人四川的山水四川文化四川的一切
…骂贱女人要这样：你个娼妇，婊子，贱鸡婆，，淫荡婆娘。
卖麻批都没资格的下贱货色，欠日的骚批， 犯贱的泼妇！
贱得不的点把点的婆娘，男人鸡儿烂，也不会日的鸡~`烂鸡“贱鸡，臭批， 丑货，烂货，麻批里长蛆的锈麻批！给男人添鸡儿，男人也嫌弃你嘴巴脏，嘴巴臭，你发育不全，奶奶小，脚干弯，男人见了，也没什么胃口了。。哈鸡婆！
磨瓢：指女同性恋的生殖器相互磨擦
不可以随便叫人“大哥”：
话说有两弟兄，其父母早亡，兄代弟长大。兄先成家，每晚弟听到嫂嫂总是呻吟，痛苦万分。一日，兄外出办事未归，弟便没听见嫂子呻吟。弟好奇的朝嫂子房间窥视，见嫂子一丝不挂仰躺在床上睡了，此时弟的鸡巴棒硬，冲上床将鸡巴日进嫂子批里，这时嫂子醒来，对弟弟说：“你这样对得起你大哥吗？”弟弟羞愧弟将鸡巴退出嫂子的麻批，这时嫂子又说：“你这样对的大嫂吗？”这时弟弟进退两难，没办法，豁出去了，把两只眼睛一闭，说：“对不起大哥，对不起大嫂！”直到射精才疲倦的趴在嫂子身上。
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